| Meredith's Survey |
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Posted on October 03, 2006 @ 2:16 pm
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Put Down That Science Pole - Space Mail |
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I was...
Five years ago: 12 years old, enjoying the start of 7th grade.
A year ago: About a month and a half into a relationship with Skye, things were going pretty good, but I was already slacking in school.
Six months ago: Failing school and confused with life, just trying to get through to the summer.
A month ago: Preparing for school, I spent the last weekend pretty much doing what I normally do, CS and Natasha.
A week ago: Trying to plow through the week to get to Friday, so I could play CS and see Natasha. Counter-Strike pretty much runs my life. =/ It's a full-time job now.
Yesterday: Counter-Strike and Natasha. About 3 1/2 hours of homework. (No sleep. =])
I am...
Named: Jesse.
Currently: Listening to PUT DOWN THAT SCIENCE POLE, speaking with Skye, fuming about the government.
Planning on: playing Counter-Strike, chilling with Natasha in 3 hours, maybe practicing a speech.
Reading: SAT I Prep (For SAT's...), Obasan (For pleasure), JAVA Programming (For AP Comp Sci)
Thinking about: The future.
I will be...
In one hour: Counter-Strike.
This evening: Natasha and/or Counter-Strike.
Tomorrow: School, then Counter-Strike and homework.
Next week: See above.
Next month: See above.
Next year: University of Idaho, Counter-Strike, Natasha.
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Posted on August 23, 2006 @ 1:09 am
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Fuck you all.
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| Well, that's more sure in porcelain...you're skin and bones, I'm a nervous wreck... |
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Posted on August 08, 2006 @ 2:51 am
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Mindless Self Indulgence - I Hate Jimmy Page |
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I really despise being up this late by myself. Everyone is off and asleep and yet, I'm staring at this screen and getting lost in my thoughts. Everything is fine until they've all gone and then it all starts stirring and coming back. Why can't I just find peace through sleep instead of finding pain and losing myself, stuck in reality?
Natasha sounded quite upset and was sort of short with me it seemed, when she signed off. That's what I get for talking too much and being asinine, I guess. Hopefully we're fine tomorrow after I get my haircut and see her again. My birthday is in 21 hours and I feel no excitement nor pleasure in reaching 17 years here. All I can look forward to is getting away in another year. I've been binging no food again, woo. =) Every time I start to make any sort of progress, I lose it after four or five days. Story of my life....make progress on something, breakdown, lose it, repeat. That's how it always goes.
I have a hair appointment in 11 hours. I have senior pictures at 2p.m. on Thursday. I have to think of a way to raise over $100 to pay back a couple people that have been generous to me, because everyone knows that I can't get a job. I need to give up on my hopes of making money from gaming or music, it just won't happen. I have 3 books to read, analyze, and write responses to by the 5th of September. I have a 1,500 word paper on my favorite subject, the government(!!!), with cited sources due the 5th of September. I have to realize that I'm being left behind by everyone who has potential and actually is ready to pursue life.
Without a sound, without a word, they emerged, and in the darkest of days, they swallowed his world.
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Posted on July 29, 2006 @ 3:36 am
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ICanMakeAMessLikeNobody'sBusiness-SoIFinallyDecidedTo(cont) |
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It's been awhile since a real update, my apologies.
Where to start? I went camping awhile back....12-15th, I believe. I enjoyed it, it was a nice break from reality. My cousin, her boyfriend, my parents, my sister, and I were there. I missed Natasha a lot, but it happens. She couldn't come because of work. Andrew and I tried to uncover this monstrous rock in the riverbed. We got about 6 inches down into it and 2 or 3 feet wide and then bailed to go make dinner in the dutch oven. Curse you, monstrous rock, curse you. (Pictures from the camping trip soon, when Andrew sends em on over. :D)
The day after we got back from camping, I had to get up at 6:30-ish to leave for Warped Tour in Portland with Sammie/Irene/Callie/Sammie's father. We only had 3 tickets, but Callie wanted to go along to "try to get a ticket there." More commonly known as her wanting to run away with Matt. Anyway, Irene, Sammie, and I go to Warped Tour. AMAZING show. I saw Greeley Estates, We Are The Fury, The Casualities, Less Than Jake, Authority Zero, and the most important band there, AFI. Greeley's set was amazing, I got pictures of it. I got pictures of Greeley's, We Are the Fury's, and AFI's sets. I'll post up the Greeley's/Fury's ones later, the AFI ones didn't turn out, unfortunately. AFI's set was too amazing to even put into words. Everyone was pumping their fists and singing along, the moshes were crazy, and crowd-surfing was a common point of interest for many. I really wish their set would've gone on longer, but it was the best live performance I've ever seen. I got sunburned horribly at this show and felt the wrath of it for a week after, and still am slightly feeling the wrath of peeling on my scalp. No, it's not just dandruff. Anyway, Callie decided to ditch us in Portland. So, we left her there with Matt. Natasha had Steven clear up a few things with Matt and he booted Callie out, sending her on a bus back to Coeur d'Alene. Owned. =D
I got back from Warped and pretty much crashed. I've mostly been gaming and spending my time with Natasha. I went to Nic's birthday party for a bit with Natasha, after we dropped off my DQ application, (on the 22nd) cause no one else showed up besides Nic's girlfriend and Zach. =\ So, we played a bit of Halo with him and then left. Natasha's still working full time at McDonald's and I'm still CSing full time for my future living. =D We're showing amazing skill now compared to before, I won't be that surprised if we hit CAL-IM in Season 18.
Natasha and I watched The Boondock Saints today, since it was her day off and we had nothing else to do. It was AMAZING, I really wish I would've watched it last time my mom rented it. Really good movie. Watch it. NOW. I like just snuggling on a couch and watching movies, makes me feel all fuzzy inside. =D
Sarah and I went to a movie tonight. It was at an outdoor ampitheater that started when it got dark. We went and saw Howl's Moving Castle. (an anime movie for those of you who don't know) It was really fun seeing her again, since I hadn't actually spent time with her since before school was out. She's leaving in two weeks for WSU, so we wanted to chill before she left. We ended up mostly just chilling on a blanket and talking more than watching the movie, but, it was good. We saw a shooting star. It was Sarah's first ever. xD I don't know why, but I find that funny. Anyway, it went good. We got lost on the way home. :( I had to bail us out. >=]
I have a job interview at Dairy Queen in about 8 1/2 hours. I'm hoping that it means that I've got the job and they just want to talk to me mostly. x.x If not, I'm done applying for jobs this summer. The guy told me I could work 3 days a week as a part-timer and have weekends off as well. I hope he likes me tomorrow. :)
I have an interview with Dairy Queen in about 8 1/2 hours. x.x I'm hoping that just means I'm hired. Anyway, I'm going to sleep in a few moments. Enjoy life, everyone. =D
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| My adventures in German! |
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Posted on July 23, 2006 @ 5:39 am
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A.F.I. - Don't Change |
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So, the private Ragnarok Online server I play is German-based. My friend, Mint (Chris), can speak English well, too. So I've started to learn German from her and a few others....here's my technique for learning.
Key:
Davey Havok: My character. Named so because my first character ever on Ragnarok was a musician-class, so I named him after my idol. =)
Mint: My friend, Chris. ♥
BozZKnight: Some random guy who came into the PVP Arena while Mint/I were talking. xD
Davey Havok : I may be able to type it, but if I ever get asked to speak it
Davey Havok : I'm so fcked. xD
Mint : XD
BozZKnight : whoooot xDDD
Davey Havok : fck
Mint : so type it
Davey Havok : I lost the word for sleep
Davey Havok : uhm....
Davey Havok : ich gehe schlafen
Davey Havok : there we go
Mint : ok then
BozZKnight : gute nacht
Davey Havok : oh, not yet
Mint : schlaf gut ^^
Davey Havok : }_}
Mint : XD
Davey Havok : I was just trying to remember it
Mint : not?
Davey Havok : xD
Mint : ok
Davey Havok : tell him that
Davey Havok : }_};
Mint : noch nicht, er wollte es nur mal schreiben Oo
BozZKnight : hmm dann nicht xDDD
Davey Havok : o.o
Mint : oo
Davey Havok : I think I'm okay at german, then someone says something
Davey Havok : and I realize I suck again. xD
Davey Havok : -coughmeinpenisaufgestandencough- Means, "My penis just woke up." xD
Davey Havok : }________________}
Mint : OO;;;;;;
Davey Havok : {_______________{
Davey Havok : }______________________________________}
Mint : omg
BozZKnight : xDDDDDDDDDD
Mint : XD
Davey Havok : xDDDDDDD
BozZKnight : sein penis ist aufgestanden ?? xDDDD
Mint : ja XD
Davey Havok : sein? >_>
Mint : yours
Davey Havok : thought so
Davey Havok : uhm.
Davey Havok : JAAAAAA!
Mint : XD
Davey Havok : xD
Mint : lol
Davey Havok : german is fun
Davey Havok : xD
BozZKnight : und damit wollte er sagen das er jetz nen dicken hat??
Davey Havok : dicken hat
Mint : XDD
Mint : og
Davey Havok : o-o
Mint : *omg
Davey Havok : what'd he say
Davey Havok : xD
Mint : XDDD
BozZKnight : xDDD
Davey Havok : translation plz
Mint : ja denke mal schon
Mint : uhm..
BozZKnight : lol
Mint : "did he wanted to say he has a boner?"
Mint : ^^'
Davey Havok : xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Davey Havok : ja
Davey Havok : }_}
Davey Havok : wait wtf is dicken hat? xD
Mint : mir kanns ja egal sien
BozZKnight : oh man ich fll gleich tot um vor lachen xDD
Mint : XD
You have become friends with (BozZKnight).
Mint : dicke hat..
Mint : *n
Mint : uhm..
Mint : literally it is
Mint : to have a hardon Oo
Mint : think
Davey Havok : naja naja naja, dicken hat "Well, well, well....having a hard-on."
Mint : i am not so good with sexual terms XD
Davey Havok : }_}
Mint : XDD
Davey Havok : xD
Mint : omg
Davey Havok : Ima get banned.
Mint : don't go off wandering in pron saying that
Davey Havok : }_}
Davey Havok : ever played the penis game?
Davey Havok : like RL
Mint : uhm?
Davey Havok : ?
Mint : i dun have one XD
Davey Havok : Where whoever can say penis the loudest wins? xD
Mint : ohhh
Mint : no
Davey Havok : you start out quiet, and the next person has to say louder
Davey Havok : Crow and I did it in Pront. xD
Mint : XDD
Davey Havok : we were like
Davey Havok : MEIN PEEEEEEEEEEEENIS!
Davey Havok : and then we'd cloak and run
BozZKnight : spielt er jetz spiele??mit seinem dick??xDDDDDDDDD Asking if I'm playing games with my wang.
Davey Havok : }_}
Mint : XDDD
Davey Havok : translate plz
Mint : i hoffe nicht OO;;
BozZKnight : xDD
Davey Havok : hoffe?
BozZKnight : hoffe ich auch mal nich xDDD
Mint : if you're ..playing with your...
Mint : XD
BozZKnight : xDDDD
Davey Havok : }_}
Davey Havok : wait wtf
Davey Havok : what did he ask
Davey Havok : }_}
Mint : is he playing games? with his boner?
Mint : {{
Davey Havok : BozzKnight, JA!
BozZKnight : xDDDD
Mint : XD
BozZKnight : oh gott
Davey Havok : spielt er jetz spiele mit mein dick I messed that one up. "I'm playing games with your wang."
Mint : XXD
Davey Havok : }_}
Davey Havok : }_}
Mint : OMG!!
Davey Havok : xD
Mint : you said
Davey Havok : uh oh
Davey Havok : oh shit
Davey Havok : xD
BozZKnight : †totlachâ€
Mint : you're playing with his XD
Davey Havok : O_O
Davey Havok : OMFG
Davey Havok : I thought mein fixed it
Mint : XDD
Davey Havok : }_}
Mint : XDDDDDDDDD
BozZKnight : was hat er gesagt?
Davey Havok : omfg
Davey Havok : x.x
Davey Havok : awkward
Mint : er hat gesagt
Mint : er spielt mit deinem /shy
Davey Havok : }_}
Davey Havok : {_{
BozZKnight : mit meinem /shy??
Davey Havok : translate plz
Davey Havok : xD
Mint : ja mit deinem /shy
BozZKnight : aso
Mint : joar
Mint : naja
Davey Havok : naja naja naja
BozZKnight : macht er ja man ga nich die sow xDDDDDDDDDD
Mint : you make me laugh so hard Oo
Davey Havok : ^_^
Davey Havok : mint
Mint : ashy
Davey Havok : how do I say ____ is a _____
Mint : mein ____ ist ein ___
Davey Havok : mein penis ist ein bogen? My penis is a bow?
Mint : XD
Mint : omg !
BozZKnight : xDDDD
Mint : XDDD
Davey Havok : xD
BozZKnight : nen penis archer xDDD
Mint : gotta save this chat
Davey Havok : xD
Mint : XDDD
Davey Havok : save and send to me <3
Mint : lol
Invalid Command
Mint : will do
Invalid Command
Davey Havok : how do you save?
Mint : /savechat
RAWR! I speak naughty things in German. =]
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| Elitist Fucktards |
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Posted on July 10, 2006 @ 12:08 pm
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Blink 182 - All Of This |
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BlastoDermo: it was like they had multiple answers that were right, but they wanted the 'optimal' one or some bullshit like that
rainbow of ph34r: Yeah
rainbow of ph34r: surrsly
rainbow of ph34r: I hate that shit
BlastoDermo: it reeks of elitist fucktards having orgasms about fashion shows or some crap XD
<3 Jei.
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| Johnny Depp Likes My Penis |
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Posted on July 07, 2006 @ 12:46 pm
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The Cure - Primary |
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rainbow of ph34r: HOSHIT
and tillie says: HOLLA
rainbow of ph34r: So I was watching Pirates of the Caribbean last night, right?!
and tillie says: mhmmm
rainbow of ph34r: And out of nowhere
rainbow of ph34r: Johnny Depp shows up and starts like
rainbow of ph34r: riding my cock and shit
rainbow of ph34r: I'm like, "wtf m8"
rainbow of ph34r: and he goes "o rly"
rainbow of ph34r: and I go "ya rly"
and tillie says: wtf
rainbow of ph34r: srsly
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| Of late, it's harder to just go outside. |
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Posted on July 05, 2006 @ 1:01 am
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A.F.I. - Death of Seasons |
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It won't be all right, despite what they say. Just watch the stars tonight as they disappear; disintegrate. And I disintegrate, because this hate is fucking real, and I hope to shade the world as stars go out and I disintegrate.
A 4th of July that I don't care whether I forget or remember. Jamari, Natasha, Callie, Tiffany, and I went up to Tubbs Hill. The girls swam while Jamari and I explored, finding areas to use for his upcoming lightsaber short film. We're still deciding whether to start filming now, so Derek can be in it, since he leaves in August for the military, or wait until winter, for a better scenario. If we wait until winter, we have to find another lead. It's not my decision, though. So, whatever.
Jamari and Natasha came over after Tubbs Hill. It was extremely hot out, at least for me. Jamari had been here before as well. He just gamed and I watched, really. Natasha left at around 6:45 p.m. for no reason, I guess. But whatever. I felt some tension in between her and I, but oh well. Gives me inspiration to write more emo lyrics. Woo! Jamari and I just chilled and he gamed again after she left. He left shortly after. Then I binged. :) I lit off a few mortars and called it good, came back in and sat here, binged some more. I didn't game at all today, except for a few rounds on Soul Calibur 3. Oh well. It's not like our CAL team is going to do anything. Thinking I can go pro-gaming at anything is ridiculous. :)
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| Blue Burns Orange |
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Posted on July 04, 2006 @ 2:35 am
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A.F.I. - Silver and Cold |
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rainbow of ph34r: When I was 4.
rainbow of ph34r: I was cutting myself and blacking my eyes before bed everynight.
rainbow of ph34r: Some kids prayed, some read comic books.
rainbow of ph34r: I cut myself.
and tillie says: i just vomited all over everything.
Yes, indeed. How has life been for my 2 or 3 dearest readers? I hope life is well for you all and that if it isn't, the happiness factor increases dramatically. :) We're still looking for members for our Cal-O team for Counter-Strike. We may have 2, but they appear to be tooling Eric and myself, which is no good. We have Eric, Adam, and myself. Eric is captain and I'm co-leader, taking over when he's absent. :) We need 5 by the 11th of July. Things aren't looking so well there, but we'll find out.
I went shopping today. I found a swell deal at Hot Topic. All shirts that were marked for clearance were an automatic 5 dollars. I bought a Fall Out Boy shirt, a From First to Last shirt, a Hawthorne Heights shirt, and a Hawthorne Heights track jacket. :) One of the few truly excellent deals I've stumbled upon. My sister lost her wallet almost instantly after pulling the money out of it for the 2 skirts that she bought. I'm glad that it only have a few quarters in it once it was lost/stolen. She bought a shirt (The Used) and 2 skirts. After Hot Topic, I went to Zumiez and bought a new pair of skate shoes...very nice ones. Adio's CKY model. They fit comfortably and were fairly cheap for Adio shoes. :) I played DDR with my sister in the arcade and we failed on Max 300 after playing Holic and Daikenkai. At least there were only a few spectators. Much more of an adrenaline rush when everyone-in-the-arcade's eyes are on you and your fast movements.
That's all I have to say now. Also, an apology to those of you that I was unresponsive with tonight, (July 3rd; Monday) I was in the middle of 2 preseason matches for the Cal-O league. Our first real match is the day after I get back from Warped Tour. Sam's father is driving us, so my mother is less worried now and much more all right with the trip taking place. I hope I don't get injured in the mosh pit. :)
Good luck and good night.
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| A different doorway to dreams and dreadful desires |
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Posted on July 01, 2006 @ 12:03 am
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Mozart - Cosi Fan Tutte (Overture) |
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It's been a few days since the most recent insight into my life. I've brought you another in this post.
As the world has spun, and as it will spin, my life seems to stay pretty consistent. I'm still taking part in a relationship with Natasha. Happenings there have been well; we seem to work well, or at the least, put up with each other well. She's holding a full time job at McDonald's making more than $2.25 over minimum wage. She also has a car and a license; definitely the one with gumption in our relationship.
While Natasha is busy preparing for her future, I'm also preparing for mine. (at least I believe that I'm preparing, although most don't. =]) I enrolled in the CyberAthlete Amateur League. I'll be competing with 4 others on my team in Counter-Strike Open Division Season 17. It begins on July 18th. I foresee myself being home in time for our first match, assuming that all in Portland goes well and we have a safe drive home. If all does indeed go well, I'll be home in time for our first match at 7:30, officially starting my professional CS pursuit.
I'm still techincally living without pay. I've been searching for a job, but none seem to appeal to me, nor do the ones that appeal to me appear to be in my graps. I've been hoping for an interview at either Papa Murphey's or Arby's. At Papa Murphey's I'd be making around $6.50, but I'd be working with my friend, Chris. At Arby's, I'd be alone, in the sense of knowing people, but I'd be making $8.00 and having the opportunity for scholarships and the like being given to me from Arby's.
There's another small insight into my life, one that you normally wouldn't receive.
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Posted on June 26, 2006 @ 7:22 pm
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Mediocre |
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A.F.I. - Of Greetings and Goodbyes |
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I've going to try really hard this time to update regularly. I promise. But I doubt anyone even reads this anymore. Haha.
Okay, here we go.
School's out until next September, amazingly. I received my report card in the mail....2.6 GPA this semester. Not so good, but I've given up caring about school. I'm perturbed and exasperated by the amount of pressure there is on doing well in an environment that promotes testing and busy work. But, now that school's out for the time being, I've been focusing most of my time into resting and participating in eSports. I'm very much becoming absorbed into Counter-Strike as a source of competition and adrenaline rushes. That's how I've been getting my highs lately.
I've also started to get into more of a routine with my teammates from Counter-Strike. Our team, Little Girl Smashers, wakes up at 8 a.m. and does 30 minutes of physical activity. After that, it's nourishment and hygiene time before playing a good 3 or 4 hour practice of dry runs and scrimmages.
I've also been in a relationship for awhile now, since Skye and myself broke up. Things are fine there.
That's my summer so far.
-eskEMO
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Posted on January 11, 2006 @ 5:05 pm
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Rammstein - Mutter |
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YOU
1. Name:
2. Date of birth:
3. Where you live:
4. What makes you happy:
5. Currently listening/the last thing you listened to:
6. Do you read my journal?:
7. If yes, what makes it especially good or bad?:
8. An interesting fact about you:
9. Are you in love/do you have a crush at the moment?:
10. Favourite place to spend time:
11. Favourite lyric:
12. The best time of the year:
RECOMMEND
1. A film:
2. A book:
3. A band, a song, or album:
4. A new LJ friend:
PLUS
1. One thing you like about me:
2. Two things you like about yourself:
3. Look at my friends-list and tell what you like about one of our mutual friends:
4. Put this in your journal so that I can tell you what I like about you!!
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Posted on October 16, 2005 @ 1:15 am
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It feels like I'm being left behind. It really does. At least people are happy. Thanks to those who're still here with me.
Hic veni, da mihi mortem iterum.
Qui mortem invitavis, poena funesta natus, noli nomen vocare. Ille iterum veniet.
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Posted on October 05, 2005 @ 7:13 pm
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P.S.....this isn't Jesse.
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Posted on October 05, 2005 @ 7:04 pm
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Fallout Boy: Where Is Your Boy Tonight? |
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Hi everyone. I've decided, thanks to Raych, that I would start updating again. Because I am just that effing rad. I've done a lot of thinking the last couple of days and have decided to be extremely scene from now on. I am going to go and buy some girl pants and lsiten to Hawthorne. hXc.....heck yes. So like, FOR EVERYONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW.....I was at some crazy college fair thing yesterday. Which was super crazy, because I want to go to Cornish now, so me and Raych can be college students at the same rad college. I am completely sick of dumb drama from now on, so like, if you want drama, please go else where loves....thank ya much. Uhhhhmmmm....Oooohhh....so like, I was watching the From First TAo Last vid for Note To Self (That song owns my life-like-seriousy) And decided that Matt is hotter than Sonny. Sonny's nose is weird. Blah Blah Blah....so yeh, love to you all...
<333333333333
Jesse-face
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Posted on September 22, 2005 @ 8:46 pm
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Hurt |
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music |
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Hide - Goodbye |
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I'm done updating, I think.
Bye.
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Posted on May 16, 2005 @ 10:21 pm
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Rip my fucking heart out.
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Posted on May 08, 2005 @ 10:49 pm
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Do you understand what I'm trying to say?
Have you ever felt?
Have you ever felt this way?
Tainted with rage you can't drain away
or it will cost you your life.
I couldn't care more.
Do you ever absorb what shouldn't be touched?
Have you ever cared?
Ever cared this much?
Do you think it is I who is out of touch,
or are you too scared to think at all?
I couldn't care more.
As your friends fall does it tear your heart?
Do tears fill your eyes as your world falls apart?
Do you notice at all, or are you sailing sublime?
Am I completely alone?
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Posted on May 01, 2005 @ 1:04 pm
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mood |
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 I'm a writer, bitches! |
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music |
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Racheal Talking |
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I made a story last night.
It r0xx0r5 my panties.
Here it is.
So this one time, Sara and Greg were at this bar and randomly run into each other. Greg is like, "Hey Sara, nananana, want a drink?" and she's like, "NANANANA, no, you're not good enough for this body.......and I have to work, 'cause that's always my excuse!" So, Greg goes off to this corner and starts crying, then suddenly, this big black guy comes up and says, "NANANANANA I'M BUBBA AND YOU NEED TO COME TO THE BACK SEAT WITH ME!!!" Greg looks up and decides he'll be in heaven with Bubba. Then they bone in Sara's backseat, just to get back at her. Then Sara leaves the bar and sees the condom in her backseat and is sad and turns emo.
THE END!
Oh yeh, and then Bubba and Greg go to Grissom's backseat and do the same and Grissom sees. He cries to himself and grabs the nearest newspaper to hide his sorrowful wanking.
THE END AGAIN!
Review it, bitches!
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